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Ex-Ex-Gays: The Makeover Myth
Clearly, going "straight" is not so easy. Apostates of the
ex-gay movement, so-called "ex-ex gays," are coming forward
to call the ex-gay movement a dangerous fraud. John-David Schramm, a
gay playwright, spent several years in ex-gay ministries and is now highly
critical of the movement. Schramm maintains that the few people who have
been able to sustain an "ex-gay" lifestyle are people who are
in leadership positions in ex-gay ministries.68
In the late 80's, Schramm's sister, a born-again Christian, sent him
literature about Exodus. Schramm had been open about his sexual orientation
to his immediate family, but he was closeted in other parts of his life.
Tired of living this dual existence, Schramm started attending an Exodus
support group. Three years later, he joined Love in Action, a live-in
ministry where he stayed for six months. Schramm describes an environment
in which Christian counselors told him he must immerse himself in a full-time
regimen of Christian activities-Bible study, church services, praise
and worship-to push the "sin" out of his life. When he had
sex with another man, the ministry demanded he ask God's forgiveness.
Had he done so, says Schramm, he could have remained in Love in Action,
but he realized that his homosexuality was not a sin. And he now insists
that homosexuality is not something that can be changed. "They try
to teach you how to manage your behavior. But it's not a behavior that
needs to be changed," says Schramm. "I don't believe that ex-gay
organizations support God's plan and vision for us."69
Schramm and other former ex-gays paint a disturbing picture of ex-gay
groups as filled with paranoia, and controlling their members through
indoctrination and fear. Many of these stories have been compiled on
a website called Ex.Ex. operated by former ex-gay Doug Upchurch, who
assails the movement's "emotionally damaging and unsuccessful process
of `sexual reorientation.'"70
Upchurch desperately wanted to be a heterosexual and, to that end, tried
everything from exorcism and fasting to ex-gay ministries. In his home
state of Texas, he became involved with the Christian Coalition for Reconciliation,
an affiliate of Exodus International. Finally, after 12 years of trying
to change, Upchurch, in 1993, embraced his sexual identity and became
critical of the ex-gay movement. "They teach that it's all dependent
on the individual-how much you pray, read the Bible, go to counseling.
It's all directed at you actively trying to change the way God made you,
and when that doesn't happen, it leaves you depressed and vulnerable.
There were several times I strongly contemplated suicide."71
Upchurch and Schramm insist that homosexuality cannot be changed. And
even ex-gay leaders admit they can't guarantee a complete change in homosexual
desires. On the surface, ex-gay leaders claim they can "convert" people
to heterosexuality. But a review of ex-gay literature reveals that by "conversion," ex-gay
leaders do not mean that same-sex attractions will not occur, only that
they should not be acted on. Perhaps it is best stated in their own words.
In his book Desires in Conflict: Answering the Struggle for Sexual Identity,
author and ex-gay leader Joe Dallas plainly states, "So let me emphasize
from the outset that I don't pretend to know a universal `cure' for homosexuality.
Nobody does."72
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